They cut themselves to cope with hurt
22 March 2008
Straits Times
English
(c) 2008 Singapore Press Holdings Limited
Teenage girls are more likely than boys to practise self-mutilation, say counsellors
ALONE in her room, 15-year-old Stephanie searched for a clear landing between the livid, red scars criss-crossing her left forearm. There was none.
Sighing, she placed the blade of her penknife at the base of her elbow where a wound had barely healed and dug in.
Immediately, blood spurted out and numbness set in.
Stephanie cuts herself whenever she feels 'emotionally unstable', usually after quarrels with friends.
'When I forget to buy things which they've asked me to, they get angry with me and I feel frustrated. That makes me want to cut so that I can feel better,' said the Secondary 3 student from an all-girls school. Her parents divorced when she was five and she lives with her mother.
Sometimes, her body becomes her emotional canvas on which she carves words like 'angry', 'hurt' and 'frustrated' with her blade.
Like Stephanie, many teenage girls are using self-mutilation as an outlet to cope with emotions they cannot handle, said counsellors.
Besides cutting their skin with sharp objects, other popular ways of self-injury include pulling at the skin or hair, burning parts of the body with wax or bruising themselves.
Counsellors and social workers noted that the trend of self-mutilation is prevalent in all-girls schools.
Denise, 16, said that in her Normal (Academic) class of 42 girls, she knows of at least five others who cut themselves. Watching them in action piqued her curiosity.
She said she first cut herself in the classroom after being badmouthed by friends.
'I borrowed a penknife and cut a few lines,' she said, adding that she felt calmer afterwards.
No one tried to stop her.
A social worker at Denise's school confirmed this.
Out of every 10 students she has counselled there, about seven were practising self-mutilation, said Mrs Rachael Lim of Care Community Services Society.
'I suspected that many students were doing it. Almost every time I talked to a student, she would have issues about self-harm. It got a little scary,' she recalled.
The numbers dropped tremendously to about three out of every 10 troubled students last year after counsellors conducted sessions with the girls to discuss the dangers of self-mutilation.
'We helped them to explore alternatives to cutting and introduced more positive coping skills like music and sports,' she said.
Counsellors and social workers noted that more teenage girls than boys take to cutting themselves.
According to Ms Eileen Chua, assistant director of Lakeside Family Centre, this is because boys express themselves in other ways. They usually take out their hurt and frustration through sports or smoking and drinking.
Another reason is girls' susceptibility to peer pressure, said social worker Joyz Tan from Fei Yue Community Services.
'It used to be that when you had a problem, you'd share it with me, we'd talk about it and that'd be it,' she said.
'But now, when they know that their friends cut themselves and they see their scars, they think the way to cope with problems is to cut.'
Ms Melissa Lim, centre director of Students Care Service (Yishun), termed this group 'copy-cutters'.
One of them is Shuling, 15, who tried to emulate her fashionably dysfunctional friends, then got hooked.
'It's harmless fun. I like to see the blood flow. When my skin splits open, I feel like a paper being torn,' she said.
Many believe they are hurting no one but themselves. But there are instances when the cuts get too deep, the bleeding won't stop, or the wounds get infected and the girls end up in hospital.
Also, cutting to relieve tension can be addictive.
Consultant psychiatrist Daniel Fung, who is chief of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Institute of Mental Health, likens it to getting a runner's high.
'When there is pain, the body releases a natural anaesthetic agent called endorphins. These are hormones which reduce the pain and make you happy.
'If you keep cutting, you'll get addicted to the whole process,' he warned.
Doctors also warned that if girls are not taught healthier ways to vent their frustrations, they may continue to turn to self-mutilation as a coping mechanism even in adulthood.
'They feel so much pain on the inside that they need to feel it on the outside, so it ends up as physical wounds which they can see, feel and touch,' said Dr Geraldine Tan, a psychologist at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre.
'It's a reminder that they're okay.'
Dr Tan added that teens who display their wounds are crying for attention and parents must act quickly. She advised parents to look out for tell-tale signs such as the frequent use of plasters and ointment.
Ultimately, the only way to help self-mutilators is to be there for them with a listening ear, she said.
Xiuping, 19, used to cut herself two years ago whenever she quarrelled with her boyfriend.
She stopped after being reassured that others care for her.
'Nowadays, I'd find friends to share my problems with. If they're busy, then I'd find something else to do, like read or do housework,' said the Institute of Technical Education student.
It has been three months since Stephanie last cut herself, but the scars on her forearm are still visible. She now knows that the relief from cutting is only temporary.
'Although I feel a bit better after cutting, I know the scars will remain there forever,' she said.
Names of the girls have been changed to protect their identities
SEEING THE HURT
"They feel so much pain on the inside that they need to feel it on the outside, so it ends up as physical wounds which they can see, feel and touch. It's a reminder that they're okay."
DR GERALDINE TAN, a psychologist at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre